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So sometimes when i hear something funny or somebody says something i need to remember, i save it into a draft on my phone.
But my phone is running our of space so i'm putting them here:

"Stop poking me with your tumor!"

"Stop it! This is my cinematic adventure!"

"I just wanted to do a donut. This is the gentleman's donut; no screeching or fast turning. "

"One day you'll be able to associate my laugh with your rage." Bryce to nina.

"Indicative of the average intellect of a white suburban idiot."

"I do not know the way to defeat others, but the way to defeat myself."

May. 4th, 2010

Fuck this summer.
it's going to be cool and stuff, but I've already decided that besides working and hanging out with friends who make an effort to hang out with me, i'm reverting into hermit mode.

God i miss them.
And video games.
I need Okami.
Im debating how badly I want stop using the internet. Or like i mean, the social networking stuff. Because in all sincerity, I'm getting sick of it. Not that I actually know what I'll be passing the time with, but preferably something better than having to worry about pissing people off.
Might give me some peace of mind, I dunno.

Anyways, I would probably stop like, next week if I do.
I dunno.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

" I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk."

You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music


Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"

Apr. 18th, 2010

Old facebook status's that i enjoyed and will probably RE: in the future.

You are 99.2% almost as fine as I

Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

We have got to learn from each other we have got to stick together.

"When I'm gone, everyone will eventually forget about me."

"Hey, what do you want on your burger." "Just some bees please"

"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?"

Ignoring the illusion, pathetic attempt to overcome loneliness.

Apr. 12th, 2010

I was talking about Brent and how I love his mom and how i wanted to make her cookies. So now we are discussing our sleepover plans and how we are going to be baking shit up the wazoo for his mama.



Apr. 7th, 2010

Im debating whether or not I should delete my facebook.
Might be a good idea, y/n?
"forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night."

"Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat."

"TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!"

"there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it."

"he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles"

" you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster."

"hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight."

"I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you."

"The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume."


when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton

then i met college

"from now on my penis is your penis"

"No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer."

"I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters"

"I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight"

"On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?"

"I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high."

"FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket."

"I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her."

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May 2010


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